i wish semen tasted like chocolate
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
