Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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