I CAN MOONWALK!
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
you will always have a special place in my vag
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
