i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
