So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
