This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
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