I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Randomize
