you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
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