Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
