I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
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