i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
After tacos, we're chasing women.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
