Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
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