I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
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