We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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