my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
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