i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Randomize
