I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
