no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
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