i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I could make wine with my vomit
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Randomize
