Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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