we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
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