I smell stomach acid.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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