so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
