There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
