You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Randomize
