Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
