When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
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I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
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I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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