im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Randomize
