This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize