If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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