I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
