and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
