just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Randomize
