Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
