now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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