Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
