i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Randomize
