i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Randomize
