theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
