Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
COCAINE IS GR8
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
