if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
