so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
