I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
