Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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