I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Randomize
