is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
you didnt know i had herpes?
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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