if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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