Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize
