the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
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