I got chris browned last night
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Randomize
