mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
