I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Are we still banned from the library?
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
