We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
