ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Randomize
