My liver just broke up with me...
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
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