Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Randomize
