Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Randomize
