I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
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