Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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