I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Randomize
