If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
