Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
