3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Randomize
