The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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