I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
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