you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
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