I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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